Those Who've Gone Before
by devonshire64
Summary: As long as we remember, the people we've lost are never truly gone.


_This is something short for Memorial Day. It has character Kerri, but is set further back in the series. _

_To all those who have gone before us, and who have given their lives, you'll never be forgotten. _

**THOSE WHO'VE GONE BEFORE**

Dean sat on the old brick patio, beer in hand, as a late spring breeze swept over the field in front of him, sending the sent of rain and wildflowers whirling around him. This had once been one of his favorite holidays. But times had changed, he had grown up. When he was younger the day had meant barbecues and more importantly fireworks. It was the beginning of summer, and summer usually meant Wyoming. Dad used to leave him and Sammy alone in the summer months while he hunted, but the older they got the more trouble they seemed to find. And so John started leaving them with fellow hunter Tom Harrison— which was fine by Dean. It meant long days of sun and freedom, of watching Sam get his dream of normal, and himself spending time with his best friend. But that tradition ended in the cold fall of 1995. And now it was suddenly Memorial Day 2007.

It amazed Dean how many years had passed. He always told himself he would go back someday, that Dad and Tom would reconcile. But days turned to months, and months to years, and before he knew it over a decade had passed. And in that time, things had changed. When Sam first found the note Dean's heart was in his throat. Kerri was still around. She had been a distant memory, a shadow on the edge of thought. But still, she had never truly been gone. On their first drive back Dean had gone through hundreds of emotions. He was excited, it had been a long time since he'd been back to Valley, the only home he'd ever known after his mother died. And he couldn't wait to see the Harrison family again. But it had been so long. How had they changed? How had Valley changed? What had Kerri and Evelyn grown up to be? They were all questions Dean had asked himself over the years. All his excitement vanished though, when he finally saw the old house again. It was obvious that time had not been good to the Harrisons.

Dean had wanted to see Tom again, to compare stories about Dad with the other hunter. But like John, Tom had been lost to the fight. Dean wanted to see the woman Evelyn had grown into, since she was only twelve the last time he'd seen her. She was smart and daring, and Dean always thought she would go far in life. But upon returning to Valley the blonde had been devastated to learn that Evelyn had also died, killed by the Yellow Eyed Demon. All that was left behind of his childhood haven was Kerri. And because of that he couldn't stop looking at her, couldn't get her out of his mind. Even when they weren't in Valley.

The Harrisons had been an oasis in the dark world of hunting. Their house wasn't some skievy motel, wasn't some run down apartment. He didn't have to worry about feeding Sammy, didn't have to worry if Sammy was warm enough, if he was happy. All of that was taken care of when he was in Valley. There were no monsters, well, after the Watcher there weren't. He didn't have to look over his shoulder, didn't have to worry if something would come and steal his family from him. He could just be a kid, and it was the greatest gift anyone could have ever given him. He and Sammy, along with Kerri and Evelyn could just enjoy their time together. They rode their bikes, stopped at the candy store, camped out in the back yard— all things normal kids did. In Dean's eyes in was almost perfection. The only thing that could have made it better was having his mom with him.

Dean took another long draught of beer. It was hard thinking about those who'd gone before. They were gone, stolen from them, but memories of them were all over. There were pictures, trinkets, toys— a thousand reminders of lives lost. A thousands reminders of what had been and what had never been. Evelyn never got married, never had a family, never went to school, though in the past all of those things seemed possible. It was like leaving the story half finished. He could look at a picture of her, the young girl smiling brightly, but it seemed alien to him. She was gone, and it was so hard to grasp.

It was the same with his mother. He had pictures of her, her smile brightening even the darkest of his days, even though that image had been captured two decades ago. He could still remember the way her hair smelled and the sound of her voice, or the smell of cookies in the oven. It was all there, real and an illusion at the same time. But the strangest thing, the hardest thing to grasp, was that life still went on. When the pictures were taken all those he had loved were still with him, here forever. But now they were gone, the snapshots his only reminder. How could the world continue to spin with such precious lives gone? How could the world go one when those who were here yesterday vanish? How could he go on having the memory of all those who had gone before? They were all questions Dean didn't have the answers for. Hell, just a year beforehand his father had still been alive. It seemed like an eternity and an instant at the same time, even though that didn't make any sense. Life after death was different, slanted, changed, and time seemed to have no relevance. Whether someone was gone for a month or ten yeas, it always felt the same.

Dean looked over at his brother, the lanky young man standing next to Kerri, talking and laughing with her. It had been a year and a half since Jessica died, two years since Evelyn and Tom— and again, it felt like yesterday and forever at the same time. Kerri caught Dean's eyes, patting Sam on the shoulder before making her way over to him. Dean turned his attention back to the forest when she sat beside him.

"You ok?" She asked quietly, she too looking out over the forest.

"Right as rain." Dean answered, drinking more of his beer.

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes before Kerri spoke again. "Sam's gonna head into town and get some more coal for the grill."

"I thought we got some."

"He claims it isn't enough. He made a pyramid with the little bricks and said it didn't match the specifications on the grill. So we need more."

Dean smiled, "yeah, that sounds like Sammy."

"I think he needed an excuse to head into town alone, too."

"Why's that?"

"He's kind of down today. I guess we all are. Memorial day's a little harder when you've got someone to remember."

"Yes it is."

"So. Are you really ok, or do you wanna talk to me?"

"About what?"

"I don't know. Sam and I were talking about Dad and John. He told me a little about Jess, too."

"Really?" Dean asked, finally turning his attention to Kerri. Neither him nor Sam liked to 'talk about it'.

"Yeah. Just stories, you know, the stuff you remember. Like Ev and the fake bear."

"That was not funny. I think I have a scar from that."

"Remember the prank war?"

"When you dyed me green."

"I told Sam, your Dad's actually the one who came up with that idea."

"Are you serious."

"Yeah. I guess he figured it was a good way to make both of us stop."

Dean laughed, "it worked."

"I don't think I've pranked anyone since then. I was afraid of the payback."

"The gum was an accident. So I think I was treated unfairly."

"Says you."

"Is that what you and Sammy were laughing about?"

Kerri smiled brightly, letting out a loud laugh, "no, that was something about Jess."

"What?" Dean was intrigued. He could see how hard it was for Sam to talk about Jessica, so he just never asked.

"They went fishing once. Apparently she used to bug him all the time about what you and John did and where you were. So Sam just said you were professional hunters and kind of left it at that. It was when they first started going out so as a trip she rented a cabin on a river, cause she thought camping and hunting were kind of the same thing. She got fishing poles and everything. Well, they're up there so Sam humored her and took her fishing."

"Sam can't fish."

"And Jess had apparently never seen a fish outside a supermarket. Sam managed to catch a bass or something big and got it on the dock. But it was flapping around, and Jess swore the thing was trying to corner her and get her in the water. Sam said for about five minutes he just laughed cause Jess jumped and screamed every time the thing moved. She told friends it was the other way around."

"I could picture Sammy being girly like that."

"I think that's why he didn't tell you the story."

"I didn't really ask. Don't wanna bring her up too much around him. You know."

"Sometimes it helps, though, to remember the fun stuff."

"Why? Doesn't change the fact that someone you loved is dead."

"But it reminds you why you loved them in the first place."

Dean looked at Kerri, he had never really thought of it that way. So many had gone before them, but despite leaving pain and sadness, they also left a wealth of happy memories behind.

"We should have gotten fireworks." Dean said after a moment. His blinked several times, trying to hold back tears as he finally let his mind wander. He used to fight the memories, but now he welcomed them. Mom, Dad, Jess, Evelyn, Tom, and Kerri's mother Liz has all been lost to them over the years, all stolen from them by the Demon they were still hunting. But at least they had them in their lives, for however short a period, at least Dean had good memories of them. It didn't erase the pain, but it took the edge off. In a perfect world no one would died, everyone he loved would be with him forever. But he knew the world wasn't perfect. He just had to keep going, because it was the only thing he could do. He had to keep fighting, and maybe make some more good memories along the way.

"I have some, though Sam and the grill might be enough."

"Did he measure the blocks or something?"

"He measured each one, then measures the picture— to scale, mind you— and said it would require so many bricks at such a size to make a proper grilling surface."

"I should go mess up the bricks he already put in."

"Actually, he put me in charge of not letting you touch them."

Dean raised his eyebrows, "did he?"

"Yup. But how am I supposed to stop a trained hunter. I mean, you're a lot tougher than me." Kerri smirked.

Dean smiled back, getting to his feet and heading to the grill. He couldn't bring back the people he'd lost, but he could enjoy the time he had with those still around. He would never forget any of those who had gone before him, and maybe that was the whole point. The moment you begin to forget is the moment those whom you had loved and lost truly leave you.


End file.
